Sunday, November 28, 2010
. . .
she is like a gravestone sitting in a church yard
crooked from the ground in which she sleeps
. . .
Sunday, November 14, 2010
" wish you were here! "
 |
| ( a kidnapped experience ) i just swiped this photo from an old friend's facebook... he went to Mumford & Sons... and i feel like the three of us should have been there. so let's pretend we were. <3 <3 <3 |
Thursday, November 11, 2010
community
i had a really swell evening/morning combination just now, and wanted to share it with you.
(again -- i hope my relatively constant input here is encouraging and not obnoxious -- i went quite some time being so recluse the past year or so, and have suddenly emerged from that wielding an unsuppressable accumulation of commentaries i feel compelled to sow in all these little communities i find myself part of this autumn... a strange season of planting perhaps.. the farmer in me is hard to hide?)
i find my daily time/temperament cycle tends towards Evening: melancholic/chill/quiet processing, Morning: optimistic/purposed/intellectual breakfast. (and the "farming" in between)
so last night i had a really simple 15 minutes or so driving home from work (in a roundabout fashion)(i like roundabout routes, you've probably noticed that about me, or at least deduced that there's no way it takes 15 minutes to drive from work to my house)... it reminded me, ruthi, of our drive back from Millar to MJ, 'cause it was dark already (love this time of year for that -- night is such a great time!) and i was driving quietly, down dark roads and through still sleepy trees, listening to william fitzsimmons... this is probably my favourite thing for an evening, quiet drives with good soundtracks, taking off the day and traversing the universe in my small way... and mister fitzsimmons sings a lot of really sad and tragic songs that are really beautiful and somehow soothing despite themselves (he is a child of divorce, who has been divorced, his albums are largely about these events), and one of my favourite songs that was recently remixed is this:
"i miss you like you're dead - and i never got to grieve you" --
i think i like a lot of his songs like this because they remind me of how my relationship with God is always doomed to be until it is entirely restored -- how many times a day do i leave the home he made for me, where he waits for me, to go off on unfaithful errands? but God is such a good husband to his bride, and despite our failings, personal and communal, i love that we don't ever have to watch him go off in the arms of someone else and leave us the way we leave him. i can't even process that. ..
on the Morning note, i like to listen to Mars Hill sermons while i dawdle around getting lovely for the day and drinking my cozy coffee, and this morning was a kind of nice one about Community. i don't have any particulars that i feel compelled to point out, i think it just had a lot of simple nutritious morsels (like the flax, logan -- how are your intestines by the way? hahah) ... but i'm gonna share it here too, should you be seeking some sustenance that is easy to absorb. did me some good this morning, and has encouraged my heart in simple ways:
(i don't know if i can post the video/audio here -- but follow the link!) :)
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/its-all-about-jesus/its-all-about-jesus-community
now -- the field awaits, so off i go to absorb some actual nutrients and proceed to my many canvases... blessings on your days, brother and sister!
<3 <3 <3
(again -- i hope my relatively constant input here is encouraging and not obnoxious -- i went quite some time being so recluse the past year or so, and have suddenly emerged from that wielding an unsuppressable accumulation of commentaries i feel compelled to sow in all these little communities i find myself part of this autumn... a strange season of planting perhaps.. the farmer in me is hard to hide?)
i find my daily time/temperament cycle tends towards Evening: melancholic/chill/quiet processing, Morning: optimistic/purposed/intellectual breakfast. (and the "farming" in between)
so last night i had a really simple 15 minutes or so driving home from work (in a roundabout fashion)(i like roundabout routes, you've probably noticed that about me, or at least deduced that there's no way it takes 15 minutes to drive from work to my house)... it reminded me, ruthi, of our drive back from Millar to MJ, 'cause it was dark already (love this time of year for that -- night is such a great time!) and i was driving quietly, down dark roads and through still sleepy trees, listening to william fitzsimmons... this is probably my favourite thing for an evening, quiet drives with good soundtracks, taking off the day and traversing the universe in my small way... and mister fitzsimmons sings a lot of really sad and tragic songs that are really beautiful and somehow soothing despite themselves (he is a child of divorce, who has been divorced, his albums are largely about these events), and one of my favourite songs that was recently remixed is this:
"i miss you like you're dead - and i never got to grieve you" --
i think i like a lot of his songs like this because they remind me of how my relationship with God is always doomed to be until it is entirely restored -- how many times a day do i leave the home he made for me, where he waits for me, to go off on unfaithful errands? but God is such a good husband to his bride, and despite our failings, personal and communal, i love that we don't ever have to watch him go off in the arms of someone else and leave us the way we leave him. i can't even process that. ..
on the Morning note, i like to listen to Mars Hill sermons while i dawdle around getting lovely for the day and drinking my cozy coffee, and this morning was a kind of nice one about Community. i don't have any particulars that i feel compelled to point out, i think it just had a lot of simple nutritious morsels (like the flax, logan -- how are your intestines by the way? hahah) ... but i'm gonna share it here too, should you be seeking some sustenance that is easy to absorb. did me some good this morning, and has encouraged my heart in simple ways:
(i don't know if i can post the video/audio here -- but follow the link!) :)
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/its-all-about-jesus/its-all-about-jesus-community
now -- the field awaits, so off i go to absorb some actual nutrients and proceed to my many canvases... blessings on your days, brother and sister!
<3 <3 <3
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
the Dawn, the Golden Dawn (Kingdom of life)
Round 2.
It is almost 2:30 and it seems to be my clearest time of day, so who am I to waste such a beautiful time with someting like sleep? I suggest that everyone who will read this blog should check out the song Matchbox Twenty - How Far We've Come... and sync the reading/listening.
Alright? Ready, set, Go!
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was quoted saying, "When Jesus call's a man, He bids him to come and die." Now, the death that I believe Bonhoeffer was speaking of is in regards to the Kingdom of Death (I believe that this Kingdom of Death is a concept either dealt with, or actually from Karl Barth's Epistle to Roman's) and that when Jesus call's someone what He is doing is calling them from death to life, eternal life. Most folks due to incomplete teaching miss the fact that Jesus, in the Gospel of St. John, tell's the disciples that eternal life is 'to know God.' So we are faced with two Kingdom's at work within the world, one of death and the other of life.
The Kingdom of death is like a thief, or actually is a thief her purest form. Francis Schaeffer reffered to human beings as 'glorified ruins;' Pascal did so to in the 'angel/beast' metaphore, revealing the fact of man's dualism. In a quick flash man goes from lighting a building on fire to rescueing a child from that very building; this is the easiest place where the two Kingdoms are tracable.
Jesus knew that the solution of sin would be to beat it at its 'own game.' As Adam and Eve were commaned not eat of the fruit of the knowledge of Good and Evil or else that in the day they would eat, death would come. Though they were spared from actual physical death (this should always be noted); grace enters the scene, moreover, for the sake of the title, the Kingdom of Life is revealed. Now, this Kingdom only comes to fruition in the Messiah. Since Death is the mark/power of sin (it reigns over humans) we still knew that something was amiss within the created order. So to right this wrong as Jesus came and preached the truth of God's Kingdom for all those whom would hear His word. Then to fulfill what man couldn't fulfill He bled and died on the Cross as a willing sacrifice for the life that was required of Adam and Eve(humanity was united in Adam and Eve/when they fell from grace so did mankind). So, once again, just as the 'tree of life' was in the Garden of Eden granting whoever ate of it eternal communion with God, so now, through who ever 'eats of the flesh and drinks of the blood' of the sacrificial lamb, Christ, sharing in His death and being raised into His life, will enter into an eternal union with God; this is the Kingdom of Life, knowing God.
For those who have come near and wrestled with the words of Christ this Kingdom is where they dwell throughout the minutes of every passing day. The one thing I love about all this is how it is only through death that we have life.
(Now you could even understand this in another light. As we live and spend our lives we find various things that we deem worthy of pouring our lives into. And in investing time, emotion, and our hearts we are giving of ourselves, thus life is transfering from us towards whatever objects we deem worthy. This is true in either Kingdom, but in the Kingdom of life their are certain mandates given by the King vs. the mandade of the Ruler of the Kingdom of Death. We could go into that another time, perhaps.)
Anyways, this is long enough. Blessings.
It is almost 2:30 and it seems to be my clearest time of day, so who am I to waste such a beautiful time with someting like sleep? I suggest that everyone who will read this blog should check out the song Matchbox Twenty - How Far We've Come... and sync the reading/listening.
Alright? Ready, set, Go!
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was quoted saying, "When Jesus call's a man, He bids him to come and die." Now, the death that I believe Bonhoeffer was speaking of is in regards to the Kingdom of Death (I believe that this Kingdom of Death is a concept either dealt with, or actually from Karl Barth's Epistle to Roman's) and that when Jesus call's someone what He is doing is calling them from death to life, eternal life. Most folks due to incomplete teaching miss the fact that Jesus, in the Gospel of St. John, tell's the disciples that eternal life is 'to know God.' So we are faced with two Kingdom's at work within the world, one of death and the other of life.
The Kingdom of death is like a thief, or actually is a thief her purest form. Francis Schaeffer reffered to human beings as 'glorified ruins;' Pascal did so to in the 'angel/beast' metaphore, revealing the fact of man's dualism. In a quick flash man goes from lighting a building on fire to rescueing a child from that very building; this is the easiest place where the two Kingdoms are tracable.
Jesus knew that the solution of sin would be to beat it at its 'own game.' As Adam and Eve were commaned not eat of the fruit of the knowledge of Good and Evil or else that in the day they would eat, death would come. Though they were spared from actual physical death (this should always be noted); grace enters the scene, moreover, for the sake of the title, the Kingdom of Life is revealed. Now, this Kingdom only comes to fruition in the Messiah. Since Death is the mark/power of sin (it reigns over humans) we still knew that something was amiss within the created order. So to right this wrong as Jesus came and preached the truth of God's Kingdom for all those whom would hear His word. Then to fulfill what man couldn't fulfill He bled and died on the Cross as a willing sacrifice for the life that was required of Adam and Eve(humanity was united in Adam and Eve/when they fell from grace so did mankind). So, once again, just as the 'tree of life' was in the Garden of Eden granting whoever ate of it eternal communion with God, so now, through who ever 'eats of the flesh and drinks of the blood' of the sacrificial lamb, Christ, sharing in His death and being raised into His life, will enter into an eternal union with God; this is the Kingdom of Life, knowing God.
For those who have come near and wrestled with the words of Christ this Kingdom is where they dwell throughout the minutes of every passing day. The one thing I love about all this is how it is only through death that we have life.
(Now you could even understand this in another light. As we live and spend our lives we find various things that we deem worthy of pouring our lives into. And in investing time, emotion, and our hearts we are giving of ourselves, thus life is transfering from us towards whatever objects we deem worthy. This is true in either Kingdom, but in the Kingdom of life their are certain mandates given by the King vs. the mandade of the Ruler of the Kingdom of Death. We could go into that another time, perhaps.)
Anyways, this is long enough. Blessings.
Monday, November 8, 2010
In Your house I long to be
This is the moment of my birth, my blogspot birth, that is. First I would like to acknowledge my lovely friends Shaina and Ruthi (tips his hat) for being apart of such a lovely experience. After re-uniting with these two I felt that the long since deprived creative part of my heart begin to breath again. Instead of allowing more time to pass by before reuniting with them again, which would perhaps lead to the venturing off of my creative side into the wilderness of obscurity, we thought to capture such beauty and reality. So, thank-you, the both of you for your trip Swift and your prayerful hearts over the last 4 years.
What better to speak of first than death. As death remains all encompassing to all of our souls, our lives, our very hearts. It would be a shame to pay it no attention, or simply to ignore it and pretend it has no hold in our lives. It's hilarious because I remember when I was younger talking with a Councilour (you will see why I needed counseling in high school) about the possibility of immortality. I mean, why do we believe we are going to die? Just because everyone else does/will? In one sense that is silly because just because everyone else has why does that mean I will? What if there is one variable that can be switched that will cause a metamorphesous so that we will never die? haha, I know that this was a silly thought, but standing on the opposite side of the counseling room, and the opposite side of life there is a glimmer of truth that I beheld.
The truth is that I was wrong, but not in the way one might think. My mistake existed within my thought that death had to be done away, which was niave. I have to die-- we all have to die, that is reality, but their are two forms of death. We are born into death; moreover, we are born into a Kingdom of Death. We are slaves of death to whom we shall one day submit as he comes to call for us. And we can see this Kingdom of Death that exists all around us from the children starving on our tv screens in Africa, to the junkie with a needle in his arm downtown, and even more clearly, we can see this Kindgdom within our own lives. In our greatest feara, heartaches, tragedies, we can see a brief glimpse of His face. We exist within a complex system of death. From the thoughts in our heads to corrupt corporation's or governments, we are all within it. Almost like the Matrix, if you will, it is surrounding us and controling us.
I think I will leave it here for now. The Kingdom of Death is a concept that I have been thinking of, and will continue to be thinking of.
What better to speak of first than death. As death remains all encompassing to all of our souls, our lives, our very hearts. It would be a shame to pay it no attention, or simply to ignore it and pretend it has no hold in our lives. It's hilarious because I remember when I was younger talking with a Councilour (you will see why I needed counseling in high school) about the possibility of immortality. I mean, why do we believe we are going to die? Just because everyone else does/will? In one sense that is silly because just because everyone else has why does that mean I will? What if there is one variable that can be switched that will cause a metamorphesous so that we will never die? haha, I know that this was a silly thought, but standing on the opposite side of the counseling room, and the opposite side of life there is a glimmer of truth that I beheld.
The truth is that I was wrong, but not in the way one might think. My mistake existed within my thought that death had to be done away, which was niave. I have to die-- we all have to die, that is reality, but their are two forms of death. We are born into death; moreover, we are born into a Kingdom of Death. We are slaves of death to whom we shall one day submit as he comes to call for us. And we can see this Kingdom of Death that exists all around us from the children starving on our tv screens in Africa, to the junkie with a needle in his arm downtown, and even more clearly, we can see this Kindgdom within our own lives. In our greatest feara, heartaches, tragedies, we can see a brief glimpse of His face. We exist within a complex system of death. From the thoughts in our heads to corrupt corporation's or governments, we are all within it. Almost like the Matrix, if you will, it is surrounding us and controling us.
I think I will leave it here for now. The Kingdom of Death is a concept that I have been thinking of, and will continue to be thinking of.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Here is a list of things I liked about my week:
1. It started with the end of a lovely Logan visit (feat. Lynden)(both named after trees, as it happens). Ruthi, I wish you were here with us for that visit! Even so, it was one of those special sister-brother times that becomes more rare and precious as our little brother makes his way closer to being a husband *cheesy sister face* Also noteworthy was the chill Sunday morning sit-around where the boys seemed really in no hurry to make it to church in Regina on time – the levels of lingering made me feel like even to strangers, my living room is a place that invites folks to be at ease and enjoy each others’ company and forget about Time – which is the highest compliment, as that is what my family’s home was/is in my life, and I want my home(s) to be that too :)
2. That same Sunday was Halloween – which is always one of my favourite days of the year – there’s just something in the air that blankets the blandness of adulthood with the nostalgia of childhood…just add a good jack-o-lantern carving/pumpkin seed roasting/Hocus Pocus watching, and bask in the magicalness that is autumn <3
3. Starbucks has rolled out the Christmas Blend – hello, giant bag of happy, and welcome to my cozy abode. This is the coffee du jour at shaina’s house through November-January, and the cure for chills and other unpleasant feelings. (<-- I write for them in my off-time.)(kiddinnng…though actually, I should look into that – as you may have noticed, I’m just full of words.) Also, this has stirred my Christmas nostalgia and creativity, as I sit sipping, I feel compelled to remind myself about Christmas gifts for family…though my family and I are entirely indifferent about gifts and just like hanging out together at Christmas…but this week I’ve been thinking perhaps some crafty “memory-themed”/ “future-oriented” interactive items are in order…which, now that I’m processing it from outside of it, makes me feel like a family documentary would be a great gift idea – but that requires footage..so perhaps next year, if I indeed slip into documentary-mode in 2011… In any case, I have at the least been inspired to create some personalized “hard copy” items this year…winter is such a great time for being creative!
4. Thursday night I finally got around to posting my “jack”-o-lantern escepades on facebook, for HC (Halloween Club) purposes – and to my delight, Elsa & Graeme happened to be on at the same time, so I got a photo-by-photo commentary from Elsa, which was just such a special inter-provincial experience and made me extra nostalgic for my special dear faraway friends <3 It’s so love-ly to have such wonderful kindred spirits across this giant land – so thankful to’ve been blessed with all of you characters in my story!!
5. One of my favourite nerdy things is to hang out alone watching a movie on a Friday night. Last night I did just that, featuring The Life Aquatic. Though moments in, I realized whoever last borrowed it wrecked the heck out of it, so it probably took me 3 hours to fully experience it, factoring in all the freeze/freeze/skip/replay/freeze/rewind/rewatch/etc. This would normally annoy me to the point of fury, but patience prevailed, and I think watching it like that might have even made it better. It’s the kind of movie where that kind of remix-like disruption-integration actually seemed to enhance the experience. I wonder if people would go bananas if I made a movie that skipped and froze like it was damaged. I think, if done well and not pretentiously, it could make for an intriguing and upsetting-but-in-a-good-way experience…hmm…I like remembering the piece of me that wants to make movies. I would just love to write movies I think.
7. This brings us to right now. It is Saturday, and I slept in because I was dreamthinking and wanted to prolong the process. I don’t know if other people do this, but typically I have a million dreams all the time, very vivid and detailed ones, and sometimes, during the morning/waking-up part, it turns into a combination of dream-dreams and think-dreams, where I am both having adventures, and also processing the thoughts I’d be having if I was awake, but in more dream-y ways. It’s super awesome, and seems to make the minutae of daily life more interesting, because it gives me a bizarre and exaggerated perspective on it all. I would like to pause here and thank God for that, because life can sure be boring, so I appreciate that he gives me weird views of the normal to keep me interested and entertained :) This is a perfect way to start an intentional quiet/creative day. Which is what I’d hoped today to be. So far, so good. Also, while brewing the aforementioned coffee, I sat on the floor and read the Life Aquatic interview insert that I don’t think I ever noticed was in the dvd case before – and it kind of was great, ‘cause it was with the Anderson brothers just visiting about their drawings and the integration of these into their projects, and their childhood memories/experiences…and that fit really well with my aspirations for the family Christmas projects, and just in general for my creative hopes for the coming New Year and the projected “blogumentary” and all that junk…so it was kind of like having creative peers speaking in, into my heart’s secret spaces and my strained imagination (sometimes it feels hard to be imaginitive in our culture..that’s unfortunate. I do hope to somehow in life help that to change, to reawaken True Imagination and create a force that will support others in their creative quests…)
Well, that was a lot of words, as usual. I hope my ramblings don’t assault you guys to the point of it being weighty or burdonsome..sometimes I feel weighed down by my fathoms of thoughts hahah…hence pouring some out here..I appreciate this space for that, helps clear some space in me for the new stuff ;)
I hope each of your weeks was filled with special little things and inspiration and aspiration as well! Or if not, that one of the next ones will be :) Take care out there!
<3 <3 <3
2. That same Sunday was Halloween – which is always one of my favourite days of the year – there’s just something in the air that blankets the blandness of adulthood with the nostalgia of childhood…just add a good jack-o-lantern carving/pumpkin seed roasting/Hocus Pocus watching, and bask in the magicalness that is autumn <3
3. Starbucks has rolled out the Christmas Blend – hello, giant bag of happy, and welcome to my cozy abode. This is the coffee du jour at shaina’s house through November-January, and the cure for chills and other unpleasant feelings. (<-- I write for them in my off-time.)(kiddinnng…though actually, I should look into that – as you may have noticed, I’m just full of words.) Also, this has stirred my Christmas nostalgia and creativity, as I sit sipping, I feel compelled to remind myself about Christmas gifts for family…though my family and I are entirely indifferent about gifts and just like hanging out together at Christmas…but this week I’ve been thinking perhaps some crafty “memory-themed”/ “future-oriented” interactive items are in order…which, now that I’m processing it from outside of it, makes me feel like a family documentary would be a great gift idea – but that requires footage..so perhaps next year, if I indeed slip into documentary-mode in 2011… In any case, I have at the least been inspired to create some personalized “hard copy” items this year…winter is such a great time for being creative!
4. Thursday night I finally got around to posting my “jack”-o-lantern escepades on facebook, for HC (Halloween Club) purposes – and to my delight, Elsa & Graeme happened to be on at the same time, so I got a photo-by-photo commentary from Elsa, which was just such a special inter-provincial experience and made me extra nostalgic for my special dear faraway friends <3 It’s so love-ly to have such wonderful kindred spirits across this giant land – so thankful to’ve been blessed with all of you characters in my story!!
5. One of my favourite nerdy things is to hang out alone watching a movie on a Friday night. Last night I did just that, featuring The Life Aquatic. Though moments in, I realized whoever last borrowed it wrecked the heck out of it, so it probably took me 3 hours to fully experience it, factoring in all the freeze/freeze/skip/replay/freeze/rewind/rewatch/etc. This would normally annoy me to the point of fury, but patience prevailed, and I think watching it like that might have even made it better. It’s the kind of movie where that kind of remix-like disruption-integration actually seemed to enhance the experience. I wonder if people would go bananas if I made a movie that skipped and froze like it was damaged. I think, if done well and not pretentiously, it could make for an intriguing and upsetting-but-in-a-good-way experience…hmm…I like remembering the piece of me that wants to make movies. I would just love to write movies I think.
7. This brings us to right now. It is Saturday, and I slept in because I was dreamthinking and wanted to prolong the process. I don’t know if other people do this, but typically I have a million dreams all the time, very vivid and detailed ones, and sometimes, during the morning/waking-up part, it turns into a combination of dream-dreams and think-dreams, where I am both having adventures, and also processing the thoughts I’d be having if I was awake, but in more dream-y ways. It’s super awesome, and seems to make the minutae of daily life more interesting, because it gives me a bizarre and exaggerated perspective on it all. I would like to pause here and thank God for that, because life can sure be boring, so I appreciate that he gives me weird views of the normal to keep me interested and entertained :) This is a perfect way to start an intentional quiet/creative day. Which is what I’d hoped today to be. So far, so good. Also, while brewing the aforementioned coffee, I sat on the floor and read the Life Aquatic interview insert that I don’t think I ever noticed was in the dvd case before – and it kind of was great, ‘cause it was with the Anderson brothers just visiting about their drawings and the integration of these into their projects, and their childhood memories/experiences…and that fit really well with my aspirations for the family Christmas projects, and just in general for my creative hopes for the coming New Year and the projected “blogumentary” and all that junk…so it was kind of like having creative peers speaking in, into my heart’s secret spaces and my strained imagination (sometimes it feels hard to be imaginitive in our culture..that’s unfortunate. I do hope to somehow in life help that to change, to reawaken True Imagination and create a force that will support others in their creative quests…)
Well, that was a lot of words, as usual. I hope my ramblings don’t assault you guys to the point of it being weighty or burdonsome..sometimes I feel weighed down by my fathoms of thoughts hahah…hence pouring some out here..I appreciate this space for that, helps clear some space in me for the new stuff ;)
I hope each of your weeks was filled with special little things and inspiration and aspiration as well! Or if not, that one of the next ones will be :) Take care out there!
<3 <3 <3
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
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